Thoughts on unjustifiable tears

When people have asked me whether I am more of a rational or more of an emotional person - I always had a tough time answering the question.
I try to be rational. I manage my life in a rational way. I’ve perfected an analytical process for rational decision making - even when it comes to topics that are categorically not rational.

But the honest to G-d truth is that I am more of an emotional person - driven more by gut than brain, reacting first by heart then by head.

When I gave birth to Daniel, everybody warned me that I would be emotional for a few weeks. “Hormones”, they said. “Will make you cry at anything”. And they were right (although I think that I probably would have cried at everything even without the raging hormones).

Having just had a baby is one of the only times in your life when it is completely legitimate to cry just to release some steam, for no good reason. To cry just because you’re tired, or confused, or because you can’t think of any better way to express yourself.
Under any other “normal” circumstances - such behavior would be considered immature or a demonstration of lack of control. (Which, to be quite frank, is very hypocritical! It take tremendous amounts of control to allow yourself to use weeping as a tool for self expression, then get on with your life and continue to work/communicate with the people around you as if you’ve never shed a tear).

So - crying just for the sake for crying - after birth, is ok.
Obviously on other occasions, crying is also legitimate: mourning, joy, anger, frustration - tears are always allowed and expected - as long as there is a REASON for them.
But crying with no real reason or trigger is hardly ever considered justified.

Which takes me back to the beginning of this post.
Had I been a truly rational person - like I claim to be; like I usually am; Like I am when I am at work, doing business, handling financial affairs, handling political discussions - then I would not be crying for no reason.

Therefore, the only plausible truth is that I am more emotional than I am rational.
Because I now find myself tearing up for no reason.
No pain (pills have taken care of that), no discomfort (bought the best pillows and mattress money can buy), no loneliness (my husband, son, family, friends, colleagues, online friends - all surrounding me with love), no uncertainty for the short term (I have a plan, know who I will be consulting with, when I need to make a decision, it’s all mapped out).
No reason to cry.

And still. I read a few warm words from a colleague - wham --> tears.
I receive an offer to help - wham --> tears.
I close my eyes to rest for a bit - wham --> tears.
I start to write this post - wham --> tears.
No hormones to blame. (Maybe steroids can do this to you?).
Just emotional.

This too, shall pass.
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A friend wrote me something yesterday, that I absolutely LOVED:
“Get well soon? F—k that. Get well NOW.” (Demetri Martin).