Birthday Post

I always use birthdays to ponder on the past year and make wishes for the upcoming one. As a child, I used to do it in frilly-pink-"secret"-diaries. Today, I do it here, on my would-be-frilly-pink-if-I-had-the-time-to-find-the-right-background-and-definitely-not-secret diary.

I'm 32 years old today. Do I feel 32? I don't know. How is 32 supposed to feel? Some days I feel much older than my years, other days I can't believe I'm past 20. But I am 32 and it's a fact.

If I had to summarize the past year in a single word - it would be, undoubtedly, the word: growth.

This was the year I had made some of the biggest mistakes of my life, but it's also the year I admitted them, and (for the most part) repented them. It's the year I started paying for some of those mistakes.

This was the year my priorities suddenly and startlingly changed, and the year when I woke up one morning knowing life will never be the same.

It's been a year of some difficult "lows":

• Nearly losing my leg after a bad herniated disc, suffering unbearable pain, and arduously working my way back to a functional person
• Saying some of the most painful things to some of the dearest people in my life
• Spending long sleepless nights with my son when he had high fever, painful ear infections, uncontrollable coughs
• Making a drunken spectacle of my self in Las Vegas and nearly losing my self-respect

But more importantly, it's been a year of incredible "highs":

• Discovering my inner-strength, my core beliefs and my true loves.
• Learning not to take my family, my husband, my health or my happiness for granted.
• Watching my son turn from baby to toddler and learning, through him, about what matters
• Teaching my body to walk when so many people said I couldn't
• Daring to admit my mistakes, daring to pay their price, and starting to let go of them
• Achieving important career goals - like producing the HP Software Universe Event while in bed/wheelchair...

It's been a roller coaster year. And (even though I believe I may say this every year) - this year had the highest peaks and scariest valleys, I wouldn't take anything back: because when I look in the mirror today, for what may be the first honest time in my life, I actually like who I see - who I've become.

---

My wishes for my 33rd year:

• First and foremost I wish for health: for those I love, and for those who love me. And for myself.
• I wish for balance. In every aspect of my life - inner balance, matrimonial balance, work-life balance.
• I wish for tranquility without relinquishing challenges, and for calm islands in an ocean of raging fun.
• I wish for every day to be interesting and every night to be comforting.
• I wish to make a difference for the better in people's lives.
  and last but not least -
• I wish for my next birthday to be celebrated watching a live interview with Gilad Shalit on his 24th birthday speaking of his years in captivity and his wonderful recovery after having returned home.

I'm 32 years old today. Happy Birthday to me.

Mother of a two year old

**Beware - below is a sappy post. If you are adverse to sentimentalism - do not continue reading**

Tomorrow, I will have been a mother for two years: My baby boy is celebrating his second birthday. Everything I will write about motherhood in this post, has been written before. In fact, it has been written so many times it is practically cliche. And nevertheless, it still amazes me that it applies... to me.

Motherhood changes you. Everyone told me I'd change once I have a child, and my response was always that my priorities may change, but my inherent character would remain the same. I was wrong.

Two years later I am definitely not the same girl/woman I was before. It's not just my priorities that have changed -

• It's my ability to love. My son, of course, but not just him. My love for my son has in many ways opened and deepened my heart in general, towards so many other people in my life.
• It's the way I judge other people - the qualities I can now see in them that I never saw before. Qualities like patience, nurturing tendencies, pedagogy skills. Before all I saw and all I appreciated was business skills.
• It's my capability to sacrifice myself - my health, my career, even my marriage if that's what it took - for someone else. That is something I never would have believed possible

And in what could appear contradictory to the latter:

• It's my ability to put myself first. Understanding that someone in this world completely depends on me has given me the strength to take care of "me" without the guilt I would have suffered before.

Because "me" is not just "me" anymore. It's also "mom". A mother of a two year old.

A healthy, smart, wonderful, two year old that has turned my entire world upside down, for better and for worse.

This has been the year that my baby boy took his first step, said his first word, sang his first song, danced his first dance, rode his first "baby car", gave me the first intentional hug and kiss, threw his first tantrum...
I wonder what the next year holds.

Happy Birthday, my beloved Daniel.